Phoebe Prince
Mr. B-G
Block E
15/10/09
Mind Over Matter Mr. B-G
Block E
15/10/09
Where have today's values gone? Everyone is so preoccupied with their electronic gadgets to appreciate simple moments like the first snow fall of winter or hearing the words I love you for the very first time. We live in an impersonal electronic society, is that what our values have gone to? We no longer appreciate simple conversations now that we have twitter and face-book. Personally I can't believe that reading an email would have the same effect as speaking with someone face to face, making a moment.
I get into my pink fluffy onesie my feet tingle as they rub off the soft cushioned fabric. I head downstairs into the kitchen. The walls our heath green with various paintings of vegetables. I live in an old country house with a barn door and all the furnishings to boot. My fathers sitting at the dining table reading a thriller type novel as per usual with a half glass full of white wine next to him. The fire is roaring and the smell of hydrangea's wafts through the air. I curl up on a chair adjacent from my father making sure to be cosily tucked in near the fire. He puts down his book and says, "Now what is on your mind tonight my dear?" From there on we start a heated debate about almost anything. Our conversations range from sex, drugs and rock and roll to matters of great importance such as ancient religions, politics and criminal justice. No subject is off limits with me and my father.
I click in my glossy silver i-pod into my speakers. I turn up the volume full blast, the walls vibrate from the sound of System of a Down screaming out "Chop Suey". I'm sitting in my room on my mattress (I broke my bed one evening whilst jumping on it). My walls are covered with doodles, posters, lyrics and memories. I have the lyrics to "I love college" by Asher Roth printed on my walls. I start off by listening to some Arctic Monkeys, they always get me in a good mood. My mix soon turns into some darker music. My i-pod reflects me inside throughout. Its my constant companion. Soon my boyfriend rings me up, "Phoebe c'mon man lets go for a spin, bring your i-pod." I get into his Civic and he starts driving. The windows are down and the air is blowing through my hair, I plug my i-pod in and the Alex Kidd starts pumping. Alex Kidd is by far my favourite DJ. The words "ecstasy" are throbbing in my ears. Leem starts speeding up we're going well over sixty miles an hour. We change the music to some Chemical Brothers and The Avalanches. He drops me outside the farm across the road from my house. I now put on "Sandiego Song" by the Coronas.
I value both my i-pod and my nightly conversations with my daddy for both different yet similar reasons. My i-pod is stimulating to my body as I can't help but move along to the beat, it is also the soundtrack of my life, I have a song for every moment and mood of my day. Without it I would be lost. Its also therapeutic for me I find it easy to relate to the lyrics in music and let them wash away any emotion I'm feeling. As for my nightly conversations with my daddy I treasure them dearly they stimulate my mind to no end, he has increased my knowledge of different dialects, cultures, religions and politics. I learn about the world around me even though I don't leave my kitchen table.
Both my i-pod and my conversations with my daddy make me think, one with its thoughtful lyrics that I relate to and helps me deal with my own personal problems. My nightly conversations make me think about other people and the world that I'm in. I become more emotionally and intellectually mature through both these activities. Although I still value such items that don't have such significant effects on me. Sometimes I love just walking around in my favourite heels and feeling like the most confident girl in the world, but mostly I just like sitting back and discussing politics with my dad.
Both my i-pod and my conversations with my daddy make me think, one with its thoughtful lyrics that I relate to and helps me deal with my own personal problems. My nightly conversations make me think about other people and the world that I'm in. I become more emotionally and intellectually mature through both these activities. Although I still value such items that don't have such significant effects on me. Sometimes I love just walking around in my favourite heels and feeling like the most confident girl in the world, but mostly I just like sitting back and discussing politics with my dad.
She seems to be saying that our values have too much to do with things with a price tag and we don't appreciate little things. I totally agree with her. She says she values talking with her "daddy" and her i pod. She enjoys them for different but yet similar reasons. Phoebe backs each up with very wordy and good paragraphs.
ReplyDeleteI feel her conversations with her father were more interesting and vividly described. I mean half the people wrote about their i pod. It's not that interesting when everyone does it. " I head downstairs into the kitchen. The walls are heath green with various paintings of vegetables." I'm sure everyone has a hallway. So with this description you can just walk through your own hallway and imagine this. It's very good.
I felt the word choice in the introduction was very well done.Like it's supposed to it hooks the reader. Doesn't allow them to lose interest basically. Without this none of your story really matters since no one will read it.
maybe next time watch your grammer and spelling. There aren't many but in the essays i've read so far it is hard to give people advice since i feel all of them have been really good in my opinion. But overall it was very well written. Also maybe end a little stronger.
In this essay the author is mainly saying that she feels peoples values should be differently than they are. Also, she seems to enjoy the smaller and less noticeable things in life.
ReplyDeleteTo me, i thought that the author had a more vivid description for her ipod. This was because i felt like her description for her conversations with her father was mostly describing her walking down to see her dad and it didnt really show how much she values it or why.
I think that this essay was overall very good. It was organized and easy to follow along. I think that the essay's biggest strength would be when she is describing her ipod. i thought it was clever how she had certain songs throughout the paragraph almost describing emotions and feelings.
The one thing that i would recommend for this essay would be for her to describe more about why she values these thigns and the role they have in her life.
1. Phoebe is saying that people value pricey things too much and that they should stop and notice the small things in life.
ReplyDelete2.I thought that the author had a better description for her ipod. This was because i felt like her description for her conversations with her father was mostly describing her walking down to see her dad and it didnt really show how much she values it or why.
3.This essay is very good. It is descriptive and very well put together. it is easy to easy to read and i get a godo picture in my head when i read it.
4.The one thing that i would recommend for this essay would be for her to describe more about why she values these thigns and the role they have in her life.
1.What shes trying to say is that people are caught up in technology and that people dont recognize the little things in life.
ReplyDelete2.She describes the ipod better than the times with here dad. I know that same feeling with my ipod. I myself absolutely love my ipod and i would be lost without it. One part that i thought was well described is when she said, "My walls are covered with doodles, posters, lyrics and memories. I have the lyrics to "I love college" by Asher Roth printed on my walls.".
3.I thought the overall strength of this essay was the writing style. I thought that it was well planned out. I also thought that the descriptive words she used were good.
4.I would say that she could add a little more to it. Also describe her room more.
Siochan leat Pheeebz
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ReplyDeleteMay the blessing of light be on you - light without and light within. May the blessed sunlight shine on you like a great peat fire, so that stranger and friend may come and warm himself at it. And may light shine out of the two eyes of you, like a candle set in the window of a house, bidding the wanderer come in out of the storm. And may the blessing of the rain be on you, may it beat upon your Spirit and wash it fair and clean, and leave there a shining pool where the blue of Heaven shines, and sometimes a star. And may the blessing of the earth be on you, soft under your feet as you pass along the roads, soft under you as you lie out on it, tired at the end of day; and may it rest easy over you when, at last, you lie out under it. May it rest so lightly over you that your soul may be out from under it quickly; up and off and on its way to God. And now may the Lord bless you, and bless you kindly.
ReplyDeleteMy heart is breaking over the loss of this intelligent, articulate, and sensitive soul.
ReplyDeleteI love her use of word description...I felt like I was pulled into her world and sitting at the table with her and her father. Intelligent thought and pros. Someone should find as much of her writing collections and get them published. I think lulu.com is a great place to start trying to publish.
ReplyDeleteWhat a talented young writer! Such a shame that she's no longer alive. I can only imagine how sad her father must be.
ReplyDeletePhoebe, I too was bullied through school. I am now in college and still have not forgot all the suffering I endured in school, and now hearing about what happen to you brings back all those painful memories I endured. You have inspired me Phoebe, and now I am doing everything I can to fight bullying. My state has already passed a bill but more can be done. God bless you Phoebe, I have no doubt that your in heaven right now. I can't believe how cruel people can be Phoebe. I'm sorry my country was not what you expected when you came from Ireland. Enjoy Heaven, and hopefully someday we will get to meet.
ReplyDeleteRest in peace dear child.
ReplyDelete"My heart is breaking over the loss of this intelligent, articulate, and sensitive soul."
ReplyDeleteMine too :(
She is like me in so many ways, her father must be struck with agony... She was so insightful and smart and beautiful... those jealous girls knew it. Its things like this that inspire me to want to write music and poetry to express the true nature of this world --hideous
ReplyDeleteRight On Mike. You cannot imagine how pleased she would be to know that. Or....maybe you can imagine it. :)
ReplyDeleteShes not "far away", in spirit you can have her with you always if you wish cuz you're exactly right. She is like you in many ways.
The best to you Mike.
She writes very well for a ninth grader; indeed, she writes more expressively than many college seniors that I teach. A shame that this planet lost her voice.
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when i g to heaven im asking God here i can find u. damn. i wish i knew u. i've done soo much reseach on wat happened. im sooo sorry. it makes me ad that they called u Irish slut. even though im black, im part Irish. i wish there were time machines. if they ever invent one im going back to save u.
ReplyDeleteHey if someone said to me "I love you" I would have heard it even I was in the middle of the fiecest battles of world war III. I would surely hate to hear or see those words on an e-mail or a tweet or anything. I agree with you nothing better than hearing somethings face to face. auto insurance quotes
ReplyDeleteThis girl writes incredible well, and she was only 15 years old. She could of been a magnificent book writer. Too bad she had to be a victim of stupid bullies who forced her into taking her life away :(.
ReplyDeleteRest in peace, Phoebe. Even though, I didn't have the chance to meet you in person.
You will not be forgotten RIP.
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ReplyDeleteDo you like to sit and discuss the politics with your dad? That's great! What about Research Paper Topics to be considered? No ideas yet?
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